Loss.

My career in illustration, my life in fact, has just taking a painful and surprising turn.  A few days ago my wife announced she was leaving me, that she wanted to be with someone else.  A common enough story.  But as this time it's mine I am feeling like this has never happened before.

We have been married for twenty years and together for a year or two before that.  I love her like the sun on the water and we have been together through the best and worst times.  She has supported me through my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis and its attendant disabilities and we have faced triumph and calamity many times.  She has blossomed and grown as a woman in the years I have known her and is now the obviously beautiful woman I have always known her to be.  She is slim and fit and confident and she wants to pursue the adventure of her life with someone who can travel with her, hike and climb and paddle the routes she needs to go by her side.  And I can't do that because I am disabled and lazy and scared of new things.  A few weeks ago on our 20th anniversary she called me her "knight in shining armour."  My armour is rusty and my Lady no longer needs my support it seems.  I truly hope her new Paladin is everything she wants and needs.



I am lonely and abandoned and terrified of the future and for now I cant think of drawing.  When I can taste more than ashes I'll be back I am sure.  

Phill